she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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