Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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