I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
