Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
