I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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