Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
