Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
