I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
