So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize