That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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