Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
