I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
