I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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