Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
