D3 body, D1 cock
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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