Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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