addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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