I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
