I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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