you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
