I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
