I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
