Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
