i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
