yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
