were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
