you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
