talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
