I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
