Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
