The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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