I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
