I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
