a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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