This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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