I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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