Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize