you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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