Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
