I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
