That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize