she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
