Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
