My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
