i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Drunk is not a location!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
