its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
