Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
