Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
