Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
