I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
