He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
