ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
