so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I checked into jail on foursquare
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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