but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize