your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
