Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize