maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize