The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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