he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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