I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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