ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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