I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize