i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
