Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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