i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
