Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
