he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
