Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
