had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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