Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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