We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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