Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
