i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize