i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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