I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
