I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize