his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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