they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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