After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it because I queefed?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
