So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
