So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
