I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He felt like a one man threesome
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize