I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
