I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm at about main and main street
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
