Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
