In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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