Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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