Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize